Thursday, March 06, 2014

Leaving a Mark

As one advances in years there comes a time when you start to think of leaving your mark on life before it is too late. Something left to spark the memory in others so that they remember you once you have passed. Something so the memory of you stays alive.

I have lived an inconspicuous life. Nor have I done anything remarkable. I own nothing to hand down. I have nothing to leave, per se.  Except......I noticed something recently.

My four children do not realize it but they each have a small part of me in them. I see it though it isn't much. They are themselves.

However, my, he is like me. It makes me smile wide to watch him and hear him. My words coming back to me. My actions being played out. My face motions being replayed. I must laugh at the 'mini-me' of 5 years old with the twinkle in his eyes and that timid smile. He does not realize what he has picked up from me, while other traits were already present at birth.

He is a gentle soul filled with love for others. He is as shy as one can be. Tears close to the surface as any shy person is familiar with. Timid and quiet when out and about. Louder and rules when safely at home where he is comfortable enough to express himself. He protects and directs his younger brother.

He is creative and artistic...a thinker...more than a runner or a player.  His mother calls him a hoarder, I say he is environmentally conscience...he creates items from what most of us refer to as trash.

He rolls his eyes and tucks his napkin in the top of his shirt. And just like me, he loves tomato soup with crackers. He saves my pennies for his Mickey Fund and he loves nutcrackers. He sweeps my floor and empties my trash. He moves my items from one spot to another cause I guess, he thinks they look better over there. He unpacks my Christmas decorations, arranges them, then rearranges them everyday that he comes to visit and repacks them when he declares the holiday if over. Because, he keeps track of these kinds of things. (smiling here)

He loves the concept of school, but is hesitant to go yet he toughs it out and walks forward. A brave little soul.

He loves to be loved without the hugs and kisses.

He likes to feel safe. He feels too much. He is all that I was and am.

Now I know, the memory of me will live on long after I am gone. HE is my 'mark on life' that I leave.

March's of life

This is March. I usually tread lightly in March. It has been a bad month throughout my life. Yet this year…..I just feel differently. Yes, today is the day my sister died and took a piece of me with her in a way. And yes, in a few days it is the day my son-in-law passed one year ago. But….maybe it is because of them that I feel joyous this March. 

Life is a time to marvel and March can be so too. 

I don’t know…..yet this year March just feels wondrous. Maybe because instead of mud, I see pure white snow piled high sparkling in the bright sun against the blue sky. We don’t get to see that often, so I do enjoy the sun and blue sky. It opens up a brighter world….and…..I am here to enjoy it all. How blessed am I 

Monday, February 18, 2013

Eternal Rest

I just read an OBIT....

It said, "John Doe entered into eternal rest on May 10 "...

It shocked me.  I mean, whenever my time way do I want to think about it as I am entering into eternal rest, for haven sake.   No way!  I want to think that I am going into a new world that is happier, brighter, more loving and lots of fun.  I surely don't want 'eternal rest'.  God, I feel like I have had that in this life....LOL.  

I just know the next chapter of my life will be more uplifting.  I know this because....My sister, Joyce, came back and told me so.  She was happy, laughing, and full of joy...she also was chasing boys in heaven...she was always a flirt. And she made me smile and be happy for her in that world I could only wonder abou so many years ago.  When young she tried to teach me to flirt ...but I never caught on. Maybe in my next life I will do better.

No Eternal Rest for me I told my not write that in my death notice!  

Write......that I have entered a whole new chapter of life prepared to dance and sing or make music in a variety of ways. Or...

Say that I have gone to help the wind blow through the branches of trees. 

Say that I have embarked on an eternal trip around this world to see what I had missed.  

Say that....that I have entered a new world where I can watch over others for love never dies.  

Say something suited to me...something more interesting, something more active, and something more profound.  Yes, something more profound.  That is me.

Not sure just what but I have a lot of time to think of something good. :-)

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Who does see

I always wanted to have a talent. Always wished I could dance, sing, paint....something.

If I had a talent, obvious it was not.

I searched in my mind. I looked around. I thought surely someday I would find that one thing that shined through my hands, voice, or act.

But...Time went on.

I wondered if others might know something of me that I do not.  

Are the eyes of others bigger than mine, opened wider, filled with sunlight?

Or is it, that I see me as real, a simple person standing on this earth with heartfelt love at the core.

Is that enough?

…To each their own.